an advice column (sort of)
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Dear M.E. What is your favorite thing you’ve ever been asked? --Amryn Dear Amryn,
Do you want some free, freshly-baked cookies? That, and when my husband asked me to marry him. Sincerely, M.E.
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Dear M.E., I've recently become about 92% certain I have ADHD. It's sort of a relief to have a name for my "flaws." So, um... what now? --LaChelle Dear LaChelle,
An official diagnosis is the next step. There are many things you can do from there: medication (which is a WONDERFUL tool), cognitive therapy to help develop habits, and developing a clear understanding and appreciation for your brain and the unique way it works. The YouTube channel, How to ADD, is PHENOMENAL. She gives great information on how to understand and live with ADD. I love her. Watch all of them. Right now. I'm glad you see it as a relief. So many who have undiagnosed ADD (hyper or inattentive) suffer from depression because they don't understand why they can't live life like everyone else. They feel flawed, broken, or not enough. One of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves is to see ourselves clearly. With an official diagnosis, you can begin to understand your past struggles and learn how to make them strengths. It's a wonderful thing! The link to the test the doctor will give you and a few family members (about you) is in the comments, as well as how to interpret the results. Good luck in your journey to discovering you!! It's a wonderful thing! Sincerely, M.E. Dear M.E., How does one balance the ideas of (1) ambition and (2) being happy with what you have? (Think Hamilton’s “never being satisfied” vs Eliza’s wanting their home life to be “enough?”) I believe that gratitude and ambition are not mutually exclusive, and yet I have a hard time getting them to coexist in my head. When I feel ambitious I feel guilty and ungrateful, and when I feel content with what I have I feel lazy and uninspired. Any thoughts? --Katie Dear Katie,
It depends on how you define ambition and the WHY behind it. If you are chasing your ambitions/goals because you feel they will give you a sense of worth and validation, then I can see how someone would struggle to be happy because your very goals are the things that are telling you you're not good enough. We all have an innate desire to improve, grow, and progress. Ambition can be a very good thing! But, not when our personal value depends on achieving the goal. To be happy with what you have, to me, is a matter of being confident and happy with who you really are and understanding the power of gratitude. We can find joy in who we are right now and what are lives look like, and live in a state of gratitude, while still having a desire to build on what we have, to experience new things, to broaden the list of things we are grateful for. Contentment doesn't mean stalling or damning progression. It means, to me, that you have the ability to look at God at any moment and say, I really love me and my life. Thank you. It does not preclude our divine desire for more. That is the purpose of life--to become more, to experience more. You can do both if your focus is on love for yourself and the life God has given you while looking to Him and His will as you take chances, overcome fears, stumble at get back up again. Some people love quiet lives. Some are driven to something different. Neither is inherently wrong if their lives are lived with love and fulfillment. As I mentioned above, ambition is good--when it's coupled with honesty and awareness. I'll use the movie character PT Barnum as an example since I just saw the movie and am slightly obsessed with the music. He was creative, his mind and dreams always taking him to different places. And he was ambitious. But, in the end, we learn his ambitions were actually about validation of his worth and, in a way, revenge. In the movie, ambition clouded his vision. Now, take someone like Mother Theresa. She was ambitious! She worked and served and sacrificed, yet, her focus was love and selflessness. She wasn't working toward a specific goal to feel successful. She worked hard to progress, serve, and make a difference. You can totally be content and ambitious when you allow yourself to love yourself and your life, understanding that the joy you feel can grow even more as you continue to grow. For some, growth comes as they remain consistent in the circumstances they love. For others, growth and joy come other more ambitious ways. Neither is wrong if love, gratitude, and honesty are present, as well as clear picture of where your worth and happiness come from. One other thing to keep in mind is personality. Some people are truly happy living alone in a cabin in Alaska. Others love adventure and change. Again, neither is wrong as long as our character is improving and we have love and gratitude in the forefront. Sincerely, M.E. Dear M.E., How do you get people to leave you alone when you need some time by yourself? Like at the gym, at home . . . --Kelly Dear Kelly,
I would say be firmly honest. It can be hard to tell someone you don't want to talk, but you need to be your greatest advocate. At the gym when your ladies approach, try being the one to start the conversation with, "Hey, I'd love to chat another time, but I really am trying to focus on my exercise here. Is there another time we can chat and catch up?" Let 'em answer quickly, then move on. Some people simply love to chat and can't fathom you wouldn't want to spend your gym time hearing about Jimmy and his rock collection. At home Tell your family you need some time alone. Let them understand that's one of the things you need to fill your bucket. One thing that helps family members understand each other is to all take a personality test and share the answers with each other. It will help them understand you better, and you them. If being alone is something you NEED, then make arrangements where you will get it. My Grandma Jane was that way. About once a month she would get a hotel room and spend the night alone. She would write poetry and stories, crochet, pray. It was her time to refresh, connect with God and herself, and feel whole. A few times a year I leave my family to attend writers conferences and retreats. Though I miss my family, it is good for my soul to have some time to be "me," to ponder and to nurture and strengthen my talents and abilities. It makes me a better me. Just remember, you are your own advocate. Taking care of yourself is a priority. The better you feel, the better you can care for those around you. Sincerely, M.E. Dear M.E., How do you know and trust something was inspiration from God if the feeling was fleeting and anxiety is taking over? --Sara Dear Sara,
This is a great question. First, ask yourself, was the initial thought/inspiration good? Often times we can feel anxiety or worry after we receive inspiration for a few reasons. Sometimes the inspiration requests us to go out of our comfort zones--to call someone we don't know, to take a job we aren't sure we are capable of doing. This kind of anxiety stems from us and shouldn't negate the inspiration we've received. We can pray about things and receive other types of answers. God speaks to us in a way that we understand. For me, when I bring something to Him and it's not His will, I won't feel anxious, but I will feel a sense of "no." Often times when He's asked me to do something big, well, that's when the anxiety comes in. "Publish a vulnerable book about me?" "Yes, I do." The anxiety and nausea sets in because It. Is. Scary. But then I look at what He's asking me to do, and I see it's right and good so I do it. Anxiety and all. And I find joy in it. If you have a thought or impression and anxiety sets in, it is totally appropriate to take it back to Him in prayer for confirmation. It is also good practice to look at your personal feelings. Is what the impression implying something that takes you out of your comfort zone? Are there other reasons you might have personal feelings caused by the thought/impression? God doesn't expect us to blindly follow, but to think for ourselves and choose to follow what we feel He'd want us to do. I always fall back on the fact that all good things come from God, so whether it's a good thought or impression I try to follow it. I believe if I do that, then if I've misinterpreted the thought or impression and follow out in my imperfect faith, He will bless me and turn me around if I need to. Sincerely, M.E. Dear M.E., What's your favorite lotion brand? --Monique Dear M.E., My son struggles to fast on Fast Sunday. He'll just "forget" or sneak in and have a snack or whatever. I don't want to force fasting on my kids, but I feel like they need to learn this essential skill and it's not just going to happen spontaneously. We've taught him the reason behind fasting, but it doesn't change the outcome. How can I help him learn to fast? --Christene Dear Christene,
One thing that has helped my kids choose to fast is to give them a concrete reason and time. Talk with them the night before about who they know that needs help. Sometimes it's themselves, but younger kids do much better when it's someone else. Tell them that fasting is like a prayer with a "pretty please," and that when they fast for ___________ Heavenly Father can give __________ extra blessings. Once they have a purpose and person to fast for, then give them a time. Perhaps you can say, "Let's fast until dinner tomorrow. We will have a special break-the-fast dinner at 3." That way it's shorter and special. It's easier for kids to fast when there is a purpose and a clear time they have to do it for. We've had dinner as early as 2 (Linner) to help our children develop their physical and spiritual ability to fast. It's also good to follow up with them afterwards. Ask them how they felt, reassure them again of the power of fasting. And remember, fasting is a choice, and a child should never be forced to fast. Sincerely, M.E. Dear M.E., What is the best time of day for ice cream? --Jolene Dear Jolene,
Between 12:00AM and 11:59:59PM Sincerely, M.E. Dear M.E. My otherwise bright son is a mouth breather. Any tips on getting him to stop? --Denise Dear Denise,
Check with an ENT to make sure there are no sinus issues. If he's totally healthy, then you have a couple options. 1. Don't sit or stand by him. Really, he's not doing anything wrong. It's just annoying to you. 2. If you simply can't stand it, give him $10 in quarters each week and tell him that you'll charge him a quarter every time he mouth breathes near you. On Saturday he can spend whatever is left. It only takes a few weeks to create a habit. Sincerely, M.E. Dear M.E., Also, how do I keep my three boys from getting toothpaste all over the bathroom counter. And mirror. --Whitney Dear Whitney,
Option A: Disposable toothbrushes. No toothpaste. Option B: Toothpaste dispenser. Option C. (My favorite) Brush their teeth for them like when they were two. That'll give them enough incentive to tidy up the paste. Good luck! Sincerely, M.E. |
Hi. I'm M.E.Growing up my brothers called me a know-it-all. I wasn't. I just acted like it. **All questions here are real, posed by real people. Seriously.
All opinions are my own. By asking me a question, you understand that I'm not doctor, licensed therapist, or sous chef. I'm simply a person that likes to find answers and help people. If you're not satisfied, you can leave a complaint HERE **PG-rated questions only. Vulgar or inappropriate questions will be glared at then ignored. I don't guarantee I'll publish/answer every question, but I will do my best. Thanks!
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